When you allow yourself to go on emotional binges of anger, guilt, hatred, jealousy and fear, you are punishing yourself by inducing pain, sickness and failure in your life.  Yes, you might feel you have every right to complain and to rant and rave about how unfair your life is.  It may even seem justified not to forgive someone who deliberately you put in harms way.  Just remember that you also have a right to the migraine headaches, stomach disorders, high blood pressure and miserable existence that inevitably follows.

Now I understand that it was that type of negative labeling that branded me and influenced the direction my life took. It instilled so much fear in me that it impeded my ability to move forward. My philosophy was, “If you don’t try, you can’t fail.” This was the only way I knew how to avoid the rejection and failure I was convinced would result from anything I did. So….I ignored or turned away from many opportunities. Even when I did push forward to make the effort, all it took was just one misstep or one criticism from someone in authority to reinforce the belief that I wasn’t good enough. As soon as I became aware that my toxic past was creating my present reality, I decided to go on a self-help quest to better my life and so can you!

These internal labels are created by the beliefs we have about ourselves and our surrounding world. They begin to formulate when we are children and for the most part are bestowed upon us by our parents, teachers, religious groups and peers.

Here’s my point and I want you to get this! Our toxic past experiences no matter how severe are inconsequential in the present. It defies logic and common sense to hold onto emotional baggage like fear, anger or guilt, from hours, days or years gone by. In fact, our past struggles can be our greatest blessings, if we learn from them and move on with our lives. Learning from our toxic past commends, while harboring it condemns. Wow, that rhymes! I’m on a roll!

It really makes no difference whether something happened twenty minutes ago or twenty years ago. The past is absolutely irrelevant in our capacity to be at peace and to enjoy our lives now. Yet so many people hold onto their past struggles and labels and use them as reasons for not being happy and successful. They become seduced by the voice inside their head and use their past struggles as a crutch. And create crippling beliefs that signify, they can never be happy, successful or at peace now because of something that happened hours, days or years ago. Get this? It’s impossible to be happy or at peace if your toxic past is following you everywhere you go and telling you who to be, what to do, and how to do it.

Maybe as a child you were abused by a parent or some other adult. Perhaps your parents were divorced when you were young and you never received the love you craved. Maybe it was frequently insinuated that you weren’t smart enough to fulfill your dreams or to just fit in. Many children are raised in environments where anger and fear are the norm both on how to respond to challenging situations, and everyday occurrences. Whatever your past experiences, I urge you to stop using your toxic past as an ID card to validate your right to proclaim your “woe-is-me” story to the entire world.
Choose to break free now.

If we could all adhere to this and not only allow these two parts to co-exist in our lives, but also to let our Higher Self take hold of the reins when need be, we could ride the storm of inner conflict and emotional upheaval. No one or no situation can take your power from you, unless you allow it to happen.

This is something truly successful, happy, and optimistic people know about life. Thank you I feel better now.

The reason some people don’t allow themselves to laugh and enjoy their lives when times are tough is because they feel guilty or they feel they don’t have the right. They say, “How can I find the laughter in my life when I was just diagnosed with cancer?” Well, that’s when you’re supposed to. They say, “How can you expect me to laugh and enjoy my life when the economy is falling apart and I may lose my job at any time?” Well my friend, that’s when you’re supposed to. It is essential that we all understand that there is a difference between laughing at something that is serious and laughing off the fear it represents. I believe that’s the number one reason why we are given the gift of laughter: To laugh in the face of fear. When you do, perception changes, negativity shifts and fear is kept at bay. I want to make this point as clear as I possibly can. Are you ready? When times are tough, even severe, we must at some point find the courage within ourselves to laugh off the fear.

I was in total awe at the energy this guy radiated. He told a few jokes, thanked the audience for supporting comedy, and stepped off the stage. People were begging him for his autograph. Some simply wanted to touch him and thank him. Then everyone started chanting that he was number one. I said to myself, “So that’s what it’s like to be a star.”

Later that night when the crowd was gone and the staff was cleaning up, I sat at the bar with Rodney. I asked him how it felt to be at the top. He downed a double scotch and said, “It sucks.” I laughed and waited for a punch line. Then it became obvious that he was serious. He proceeded to go on a verbal rampage on how he was cheated in life and that the entertainment business never gave him the respect he deserved, an eerie echo of the catchphrase that made him famous to begin with. “Look at me!” he said angrily. “They waited until my later years before they decided I was a star! I should have made it twenty or thirty years ago when I was young and I could have enjoyed it!”

I was dumbfounded. This was when Rodney’s iconic performance in Back To School was currently showing in theaters, which Rodney starred in and co-wrote. I searched for the right words and finally said, “But you’re at the top of your career. You’re a household name. Everyone knows who you are. Didn’t you hear that crowd? They love you and know your jokes by heart. You have a blockbuster movie that’s getting great reviews. Leonard Maltin gave you a nine!”

He downed another drink and said, “It should have been a ten! All those years of busting my ass and taking shit from people who have no idea what talent is! I gave up everything for this damn business and for what?” He shook his head in disgust and looked straight into my eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand, Steve.” He looked down into his empty glass. “It should have happened years ago when I was younger. I really could have enjoyed myself.”

This is a truly sad story. Here was someone who should have been living his dream. Instead, he was living a nightmare. He achieved far more than he set out to do, but he could not enjoy the benefits of his success. Why, because for most of his life, he waited for a future event to make him happy. Many years ago he created a belief system that signified that he couldn’t and wouldn’t be happy until he achieved a certain status in life. As a result, he bypassed the journey towards the goal and let his life pass him by. His past had taken over his present, daily reality, and he was haunted by regrets of days gone by.

People who view their lives as Rodney did quite often get caught up in a perpetual cycle of unconscious thoughts that lead them to believe that success and happiness is somewhere in the future or when the goal is achieved. The unfortunate truth about people with this type of mindset is that no matter what they achieve, they will have a difficult time being happy. As long as they go through life consumed with negative emotions and unaware that they are identifying their success and happiness with a distant goal, nothing will satisfy them, even when that goal is achieved.

Trust me when I say there are always more bills to pay and something expensive to repair around the house. Unexpected setbacks will occur and new work projects will quickly replace the ones that are currently stressing you out. Statements that focus on what you lack in the present, or predicate happiness on a future event, destroy your chance of enjoying the moment.

The good news is there are always fresh opportunities to be happy. Imagine life is like Grand Central Station where happy times arrive around the clock. The chances are the opportunity to be happy has already arrived. Sometimes it’s right in front of you. For whatever reason, you’re focusing on your lack or you’re fixated on what isn’t working in your life and you are unable to shift your focus to notice and appreciate it. Regardless of what is happening to you, or going on around you, you can feel happier, you can be productive, attract success, and enjoy yourself during the process. When you gradually shift your focus towards what you have and what you are grateful for, your perspective changes. In other words dear reader; when shift happens, your life changes. So get your shift together.

Maybe we should consider a more realistic interpretation of what it means to be positive. Being positive isn’t always a Disney movie. I have learned that being positive isn’t always about feeling good. Oddly, it’s healthy to feel bad sometimes. It means you’re not a robot. And being positive doesn’t mean we never make mistakes. True positivism knows that we learn from our mistakes and allows us to move forward with optimism that we are better people for having made them, richer, deeper and more resilient than before. Being positive doesn’t mean that we are always smiling and enjoying every moment of our lives. Give me a break! It’s realizing that sometimes it’s okay to cry, mourn, and feel sad. It’s not about being in control of your emotions. Hey, it’s okay to sometimes get angry and lose your temper. Don’t worry; your positivity license won’t be revoked.

People who are generally positive have problems just like everyone else. What separates the chronically positive from everyone else is that they know that their problems won’t last for ever and are simply part of the process of life. Positive people are the ultimate shift-heads. That is to say, they find a way to shift their perspective and hold on to the things that bring them joy. This is a quality that keeps them from feeling victimized. Pain is unavoidable, but to a person with a positive attitude, that’s all it is: pain that is not uncompounded by doubt and comparisons to past experience.

Positive people instinctively know that adversity is necessary in order to grow. We are here on Earth to experience, learn, grow and become the person we are meant to be. I can’t stress enough that the filter through which we view our experiences, ultimately determines who we become. How we choose to experience what happens to us, be it good or bad, will determine what we learn. What we learn determines how we grow, and this continued growth is what shapes who and what we become. If we can comprehend this, it will help free us from feeling victimized when times are tough, and just maybe help us to compare a challenging situation to a pop quiz in Life:101, rather than, say, the apocalypse.